by Dan Lawton
Machetes are awesome.
They slice through practically anything, they’re pretty sweet-looking and there’s a certain, shall I say, machismo factor to carrying one, which is why any self-respecting camper should have one in tow.
But, unfortunately, this handy blade has dwindled in popularity due to its affiliation with genocidal rampages and sub-par horror movies staring Lindsay Lohan
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t own one.
Machetes are surprisingly functional tools while hiking and camping. In Latin America and other parts of the world, it’s completely normal to see men working in the outdoors with a machete strapped to their belt.
Machetes and Bushwhacking
Need to clear some brush? Is the trail your hiking getting a bit crowded? A machete is a stellar bushwhacking tool. With its broad width, the machete can slash through bushes, trees, cobwebs, plants and anything else in your path.
Hacking up some firewood
Unless you’re car camping, you’re going to need to gather firewood and then split it. A machete can slice through logs and, if necessary, even cap a little tree. It’s also way lighter than a hatchet or ax, which are extremely difficult to carry long distances.
Food Preparation
If you’re heading into the woods for a long time, the last thing you went to haul with you is a satchel full of kitchen cutlery and a guide on how to sharpen a knife with a whetstone.
A machete can slice, dice, and cut up pretty much any kind of grub. You can even carve up a coconut with it, if need be.
Dressing Game
If you’re a hunter or a trapper, a machete can be pretty useful in smashing the carcasses of wild game into more minute pieces for processing.
Self-Defense
Picture this: It’s a cold, moonless night. You’re recumbent in your tent, sipping a night cap of rye whiskey while reading cowboy poetry. Then, suddenly, you hear a thrashing in the woods. You peek out from the flaps of your tent to see the vicious, yellow eyes of a Grizzly Bear staring back at you.
His murderous glare lets you know that he has one thing on his mind: consuming you. You grab for your trusty machete, leap out of your tent and prepare to battle the beast to the death.
Yes, you’ll almost definitely perish in this situation, but if you’re fighting with a proper machete, you’ll at least be able to die a respectable death.
